The Revolution Will Not be Televised

The major television networks have some sobering news for political junkies: live coverage of the upcoming 2004 Republican and Democratic Conventions will be greatly reduced as compared to previous years. Dan Ritchie, an associate Senate historian, comments that this reduction reflects the prevailing, bottom-line attitudes at the nation's largest media outlets: “The major networks … make more money when they have comedies and ‘Law and Order’ on than when they have politics on. That’s the sad part of it.” As for the networks, they contend that the streamlined schedule is a logical response to viewers' disinterest in the all-hype, no-substance nature of these political events. The Democratic Convention occurs July 26-29 in Boston, while the Republicans hold their gathering August 30-September 2 in New York City.

BIRDS & BEES: No Bush references at parody porn site: Trademark office rules whitehouse.com must come clean with political references.

HOLLYWOOD: Moore competition: Disney puts its brains and brawn behind the feel-good "America's Heart and Soul."

JOCKS: Dude, that bitchin' truck of yours has some giant balls: The prefect way to personalize your pickup.

TECHNOLOGY: Guys love computers and guys love phone sex: Ask the Tech Girl combines best of both worlds.

TUNES: But can he play chopsticks also? Talented male stripper pioneers a new approach to the piano.

WEB SURF: Aim hard before you swing that thing: Waste loads of time with this miniature golf game.

The November 2 General Election is exactly four months away! Come on, don't be a dolt. Register to vote today so you can be part of the action.