Teens Suffer in So-Called Rebounding Economy

Memorial Day traditionally marks the first day of summer, a time of year when millions of teenagers temporarily join the job market. However, a new study by the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University in Boston, predicts that only 37 percent of young people looking for work will find it. The problem is that the market is overly crowded with unemployed professionals, some of whom have taken the menial, low-paying jobs once reserved for students. Comments Michelle Forker, senior vice president of Monster Campus: "We've found it's a fairly dismal summer for students, and part of that is because jobs have declined as out-of-work professionals and college grads look for summer jobs while they're looking for something else,"

BIRDS & BEES: A hard number to remember: In Sweeden, dial 696969 for emergency service from the condom ambulance.

HOLLYWOOD: Heavy prose: Creator of "Super Size Me" signs deal to produce book on sins of fast food industry.

JOCKS: I like to be on top: Trendsetting path to peak is first new Everett route in 20 years.

TECHNOLOGY: R U an uber geek or an ultra geek? Use this test to see how high you score.

TUNES: You heard it that right: 80s rocker Pat Benatar agrees to shill hearing aid batteries.

WEB SURF: The Fab Four get Flashed: Cool animation of the classic Beatles song "Come Together."

CNN Determines That Al-Qaeda Likes Kerry

While Fox News is generally considered the mouthpiece of the GOP, a recent transmission from CNN has sparked outrage among liberal groups. In a segment aired May 27, anchor Kelli Arena noted "Neither John Kerry nor the president has said troops [will be] pulled out of Iraq any time soon. But there is some speculation that al Qaeda believes it has a better chance of winning in Iraq if John Kerry is in the White House." With journalistic objectivity like this, who needs propaganda?

BIRDS & BEES: Fatal attraction: Zambian man commits suicide after wife catches him humping a hen.

HOLLYWOOD: Censored no Moore: Weinstein brothers pick up distribution rights for award-winning "Fahrenheit 9/11."

JOCKS: Everyone loves a hand job: Popularity of massive-mulitplayer thumb-wrestling poised to explode.

TECHNOLOGY: Geek love: Eharmony patents algorithm that allegedly determines romantic compatibility.

TUNES: All ukulele all the time: Hawaiian music likely to get its own category at next year's Grammys.

WEB SURF: Kid A minor: Alternative rock plus alternative banjo equals the aptly-named Rodeohead.

Growing Problem of Media Mediocrity

On Wednesday, the New York Times published an extraordinary remarkable editorial acknowledging significant problems with their coverage of Iraqi. Meanwhile, a new study from the Pew Foundation finds that most journalists feel that bottom-line financial pressures are greatly hurting the quality of the final product: "There is almost universal agreement among those who worry about growing financial pressure that the media is paying too little attention to complex stories . . And most journalists who worry about declining quality due to bottom-line pressures say that the press is 'too timid' these days."

BIRDS & BEES: The right to wank at work: Danish company gives free porn subscription to all employees.

HOLLYWOOD: They make for a cute pair: Cablevision's Rainbow Media Networks will be the second all-gay channel.

JOCKS: Score less to score more: Soccer team given restrictions on time they can spend on sex.

TECHNOLOGY: So how do you hold the phone? Naked News cellular service coming soon.

TUNES: Eight mile mistake: Former felon Eminem learns that he can vote in Michigan as soon as he registers.

WEB SURF: Weevil, weevil rawk you: Check out the animated version of the classic Queen song.

Presidential Prayer Team Gets On Knees For Win

Using meet-up to schedule prayer parties and gathering members in a variety of Pray For America events, organizers hope people will "vote their values" in November. Asked if the program would continue if Kerry was elected, Meagan Gillan responded, "If that's the case, we will pray even harder."

BIRDS & BEES: Gay sperm donors banned from donating?

HOLLYWOOD: Let he who lives in a glass house pass the first stone? Big Brother installs glass bathroom walls and shorts sheets to make participants squirm.

TECHNOLOGY: Now you can tell if he's really paying attention.

TUNES: Is it the jet lag that makes tongues wag? Merle Haggard, ex-con and country star, blasts prison abuse worldwide.

WEB SURF: Almost Friday Special: Flash! Smash! Crash! dark tower game

Fundamentalist Group Threatens Secession

Alarmed by what they perceive as the increasingly immoral nature of our society, a group of fundamentalist Christians based in Tyler, Texas is trying to enact a peaceful secession from the United States. ChristianExodus is particularly frustrated that the conservative lock on government has not put the breaks on what they see as our nation's continued moral decline. Says group president Cory Burnell, "All these atrocities continue in spite of the fact that we now have the 'right' people in places of power."

BIRDS & BEES: Face the music: Irreverent video celebrates the joys of bukkake.

HOLLYWOOD: All lavender all the time: Viacom to launch gay cable network in 2005.

JOCKS: But post-game riots are still OK: Romanian soccer fans will be fined if caught swearing.

TECHNOLOGY: Sh*t happens: NASA hoping to generate energy from human waste.

TUNES: I feel miserable: Morrissey cancels weeklong TV gig because of illness.

WEB SURF: What would you do to unleash your inner Tiger? Try your skill at panda golf.

Network Sweeps Away President's Speech

Unprecedented in a time of war, the three major networks choose to run sweeps programming instead of airing President Bush's speech concerning Iraq last night. Did Fox's Swan create a lame duck?

HOLLYWOOD: Dashing Colin Farrell strips and leaps about public bathroom to relieve himself.

JOCKS: The story of one man's ban after stooping to scoring in the bathroom.

MUSIC: Twista dumps 200 pounds of sewage in Indy reminding fans it's not wise to sh*t where you eat.

POTTY HUMOR GALORE: All the sh*t that's fit to print.

TECHNOLOGY:Talking toilet orders men to sit down, but does it shut the lid when they are done?

WEB SURF: The British are f*$#ing brilliant, even the idle ones.
also . . try here

Kerry Laughs at Bush's Biking Mishap

Although the ongoing mess in Iraq shows no signs of quick resolve, President Bush managed to deflect media attention from this crisis by falling off his bicycle during a 17-mile ride at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. When informed of this mishap, Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry allegedly responded with unusual wit: "Did the training wheels fall off?"

BIRDS & BEES: Subversive skivvies: Axis of Eve works undercover with their anti-GW agenda.

HOLLYWOOD: Race car crash costs big cash: Oceans 12 promotion at Monaco Grand Prix goes awry.

JOCKS: Buy me some peanuts and Crunch 'n Munch: Yankee Stadium abandons popular candy.

TECHNOLOGY: Getting geeky for the GOP: Conservative bloggers Google-bomb John Kerry.

TUNES: More heartbreak for California: Dido moving from London to Beverly Hills.

WEB SURF: Shake rattle and roll: Dub dub gives you and your computer a giant headache.

Patriotic Duty Includes Making Babies

It's Saturday night. Are you doing your patriotic duty down under? Making babies in Australia, mate, what did you think I was talking about? The Australian government now pays $2000 for every new citizen you can produce from scratch. Will our neighbors down under rise to the call?

BIRDS & BEES: Have sex, win prizes on the new "Dr. Love's Super Baby Making Show"

HOLLYWOOD: Ashton Kusher sweating over dirty pics.

TECHNOLOGY: Toothfarm of the future in your own head?

TUNES: John Mayer transforms prom into Wonderland.

WEB SURF: They've been doing more than just banging their heads over at AIWA. What a bunch of tools.

Momentum Growing for McCain

Is John McCain, a Republican senator from Arizona, a viable option as the running mate of Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry? Washington Post columnist David Ignatius thinks so: "Many Democrats would be furious at the thought that a Kerry-McCain national unity' ticket might mean more pro-life judges; Republicans similarly would loathe any embrace of the party of Bill Clinton. But that's the point: This is an election in which both sides need to give up things that matter to them, for the sake of a country that matters more."

BIRDS & BEES: More experiments with shrinkage: UK students set record for nude rollar coaster riding.

HOLLYWOOD: Austen power: Knightly will earn $8 million for role in "Pride and Prejudice."

JOCKS: Of course they are real athletes: Pro gamers now pulling in six-figure salaries.

TECHNOLOGY: This chip makes you hip: Barcelona clubgoers go to front of line with implanted RFID tag.

TUNES: Where are the Strokes when you need them? Franz Ferdinand to soundtrack porn scenes.

WEB SURF: Flying ninja rabbits: Can we blame Quentin Tarantino for this annoying site?

Fiscal Conservatives Favor Kerry

Doug Badow, a senior fellow at the notoriously conservative Cato Institute, puts forth a well-reasoned argument about why Republicans should vote Democrat in 2004: "This year big-spending George W. Bush and the GOP Congress turned a budget surplus into a $477 billion deficit." Badow writes that fiscal responsibility is often the causality when one party controls both Congress and the White House: "The biggest impetus for higher spending is partisan uniformity, not partisan identity. Give either party complete control of government, and the Treasury vaults are quickly emptied. . . So how do we put Uncle Sam on a sounder fiscal basis? Vote Democratic."

BIRDS & BEES: Rich and extra creamy: Consumers will soon be able to enjoy the taste of orgasmic chocolate.

HOLLYWOOD: Queer eye for the Bond guy: Rupert Everett longs to be the first gay actor to play 007.

JOCKS: Ouch, you shouldn't have hit me there: Co-ed adult dodgeball league debuts in Oregon.

TUNES: He's still red-hot in Germany: New David Hasselhof rap album to be produced by Ice T.

TECHNOLOGY: Asian invasion online: 71% of all spam servers located in China.

WEB SURF: Blood and bludgeon: Wicket fun when man-eating moles invade a friendly game of cricket.

Change to Student Loan Interest Rates?

As the 2003-04 school year wraps up applying a flexible interest rate to student loans is being considered in Washington. While projections say college grads will find a healthier job market this summer, how much will it cost to pay off your loans?

HOLLYWOOD: Fareneheit 9/11 , Michael Moore's new movie, premiered in Cannes to mixed reviews and the longest standing ovation in the festival's history.

MUSIC: Phish announces end of summer splash in Coventry.

SEX:The show must go on. Dead nudist cable show host gets 500 votes and forces a runoff in mayoral election.

TECHNOLOGY: Will Gmail accounts be the new rage in personalized email account handling?

WEB SURF: Can't afford that hotel if you have to pay for gas? Don't cancel your vacation. Try homeswapping, also known as trading spaces (without coming home to new hideous wallpaper).

Stewart Encourages William & Mary Graduates

"College is something you complete; life is something you experience," said late-night comedian Jon Stewart in delivering commencement remarks last weekend at William & Mary College. "So do not worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency." Stewart was a 1984 graduate of the Williamsburg, Virginia institution.

HOLLYWOOD: Brad's pitts: Aniston's husband gains dubious honor of world's smelliest celebrity.

MUSIC: Ice scream: New Jersey company creates Ozzy Osbourne flavored frozen treat.

SEX: Family friendly pants: New shorts designed to allow optimal ventilation of testicles.

TECHNOLOGY: Watchable wearables: Video t-shirt raises the stakes for movie promotion.

WEB SURF: Getting out is harder than getting in: Can you escape from the Viridian Room?

Aussie Leader Borrows Teen's Idea

Spunky teenagers who presented an idea called "learn or earn" at the Youth Parliament say a national labor leader took their idea and denied them credit in public so now they are fighting back in the press.

HOLLYWOOD: Brad Pitt's hunky Troy #1 at the box office. Pitt says he was moved deeply by scene that uphold the principle of respecting your enemies.

MUSIC: Outkast's Andre 3000 making the leap to movies (not to mention developing an animated series for the cartoon network and sweeping the BET nominations)

SEX: If you didn't make the masturbate-a-thon in San Francisco, you can still get yourself off to Portland and this year's retro 50's themed event. They plan to rock around the *oh my* for several good causes.

TECHNOLOGY: Sky high wi-fi What's next? The mile high wi-fi club?

WEB SURF: Check out this space

Kerry Pushes for Racial Equality

In a speech marking the 50th anniversary of the landmark Brown v. Board of Education case, Senator John Kerry today told a Kansas crowd that "we have more to do" in terms of achieving racial equality. According to Kerry, ""We should not delude ourselves into thinking that the work of Brown is done when there are those who still seek, in different ways, to see it undone. To roll back affirmative action, to restrict equal rights, and to undermine the promise of our Constitution."

HOLLYWOOD: Bush bashing abroad: Audiences at Cannes react warmly to new Michael Moore 9/11 documentary.

MUSIC: No strings attached: Radiohead guitarist recruited to produce modern-day orchestral music.

SEX: Lip-locked for 14 days: Kissing amounts for about 336 total hours in the average human lifetime.

TECHNOLOGY: You lookin' at me? New glasses automatically detect when someone makes eye contact with the user.

WEB SURF: I feel dizzy: Its a picture within a picture within a picture within a picture within a picture within a picture.

New Yorker Says Rummy Knew

According to a story by New Yorker reporter Seymour Hersh, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld authorized the expansion of a secret program that encouraged physical coercion and sexual humiliation of Iraqi prisoners as a way to gain intelligence about the growing insurgency. The Pentagon is adamantly denying this story: spokesman Lawrence Di Rita issued a statement calling the claims "outlandish, conspiratorial, and filled with error and anonymous conjecture."

HOLLYWOOD: Dead or alive? LA benefit marks the 20th anniversary of Andy Kaufman's alleged passing.

MUSIC: Writer's block finally overcome: Who announces first new song in 20 years.

SEX: Balls and chain: New E-bay auction features handmade, galvanized steel condom.

TECHNOLOGY: Not a bird and not a plane: Inventor unveils futuristic flying car at San Francisco expo.

WEB SURF: Wonderful waste of time: Play online disc jokey with simple yet addictive Mixulator.

ONLINE PETITION FOR KERRY CAMPAIGN

Author and columnist Arianna Huffington and former Howard Dean campaign manager Joe Trippi have teamed together to post an online petition for John Kerry. The petition urges Kerry to "Offer voters a bold moral vision of what America can be. A vision that is bigger than the things that divide us.. . . Instead of adopting the familiar - and failed - Republican-lite swing voter strategy, you can reach out to and inspire the fifty percent of eligible voters who have given up on voting. If you do, you will win not in a toss-up but a landslide." Click here if you want to be part of the force that sends this message to the presumed Democratic Presidential nominee.

HOLLYWOOD: Just a little tease: Pixar releases new trailer for animated film "The Incredibles."

MUSIC: We hate it when our friends become successful: Morrissey disses David Bowie.

SEX: All day long: Bunny Sutra watch launched with controversial Times Square ad campaign.

TECHNOLOGY: Blitzkrieg marketing: U.S. Army assaults LA Convention Center to promote new game.

WEB SURF: Whip it good, whip it real good: Can you make an omelette online?

US TORN BY BRUTAL EXECUTION

Fallout from the gruesome beheading of Nick Berg continues to pulse through the United States, exacerbating the domestic divisions about our current involvement in Iraq. Some critics contend that media outlets should focus more attention on the killing of Berg than the Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal. Meanwhile, others raise questions about whether this man was really murdered at the hands of Islamic terrorists.

HOLLYWOOD: The uncut version: Lindsay Lohan's agent denies rumors of plastic surgery.

MUSIC: Paying for convenience: Man fined $4,000 fine for downloading five songs.

SEX: Big fat lies: Study finds that cheating is more likely if partners are slim.

TECHNOLOGY: Way, way high: Private rocket ship sets new altitude record.

WEB SURF: Crank it to 11, dude: Metalbaby lets you rawk out on your computer.

RUMSFELD ATTEMPTS DAMAGE CONTROL

Today, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld visited Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison, site of the abuses that have shocked citizens in the US and across the world. Meanwhile, President Bush continues to aim for a positive spin on the crisis, telling a rally in West Virginia that these problems "do not reflect on the fantastic character of the over 200,000 men and women who have served our nation."

HOLLYWOOD: No witnesses here: UPN likely to drop dubious "Amish in the City" reality show from fall lineup.

MUSIC: GW loves Johnny Rotten: Republican punk rock is growing subculture.

SEX: Getting down in down under: Government urges Australians to start reproducing.

TECHNOLOGY: IPOs change everything: Google announces new plan to sell banner ads.

WEB SURF: Lodger is Finnish for "way cool": From birth to grave in just over two minutes.